FAMILY JOKES

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My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food.....

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

She said, "Some where I have never been!"

I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.

Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!

So I bought her an electric chair.

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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"

"No, jump in!" said the truck driver.

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A husband said to his wife,

"Your mother has been living with us for 5 years now. Isn't it time that she got herself her own apartment?"

"My mother ?" said the shocked wife, "I thought she was your mother."

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A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly and backward.

One day the hubby got suspicious and asked,

"Tell me the truth dear, is this third child really mine ?"

"Yes, dear," replied the wife, " but the other two are not."

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One day a father called his 6 children together and asked,

"Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?"

In one voice they all replied, "You, daddy."

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This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She replies, "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"

He says, "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

She is appeased and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

He says, "What's that for this time?"

She answered, "Your horse just called."

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